You don’t have to heal according to other people’s expectations


Healing is a different process for everybody. Some people process events faster and others take a lot longer to come to terms with a new reality and both of these things are okay. I dislike hearing people say “but you have to move on already”, or “that was a long time ago, you’ve got to get over it” and even worse, words like “oh you’ve moved on fast!”.

In case it wasn’t clear from my examples, society is never satisfied with how fast or how slow someone heals from a traumatic experience. You get judged either way and that’s why anyone else’s opinion on the matter shouldn’t count at all. Nobody else is in your position, nobody else feels your pain and no one else knows your story better than you. So, why should they get a say in how and when you should heal?

The answer is simple, they shouldn’t but many people do. A lot of “close friends” or family make you feel guilty for holding onto something and not being able to move on or they make you feel bad because you’ve managed to free yourself of the pain and look healthy and happy again. It’s almost like you’re not allowed to be miserable but you’re also not allowed to be too happy in their eyes.

That’s why you need to understand, it’s not your job to heal on their timeline, on their standards, or on their terms. Healing is a messy and difficult process for anybody out there, whether it’s slower or faster it’s still a rollercoaster you go through and you should feel safe in taking on that journey.

You should surround yourself with people that show you love without expectations, people that respect your boundaries and listen to what you need instead of telling you what you should do according to them. Surround yourself with those that make your heart feel a little bit less lonely and more confident that you will get through the tough times.

Don’t surround yourself with people that tell you to get over things or judge you for moving on too fast! Don’t allow people in your life that don’t respect your pain or your boundaries. You don’t owe these people anything but you owe it to yourself to be gentle with your body, mind, and soul as well as surround yourself with people that can be just as gentle with you.


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